Hell Week

Every day is becoming more difficult than the last. With the play on the horizon and track sticking to the same pace it was at before the days seem to get shorter. So, while hanging out with my mates yesterday was exactly what I needed, it may have not been the best idea.

Eyeliner

It's interesting the reactions you can get from a little bit of make-up. A dab of eyeliner can change the way people look at you and react to you. Its interesting.

My friend Liz asked me, "Are you wearing eyeliner?" I responded and told her I was and then she asked, "Micheal are you depressed?" I'm really intrigued by this response. I mean, yeah I'm depressed, but thats not the reason I wore eyeliner, at least not that i know of...

Hectic

So the deal is, people lose it.
All the time.
It happens. It never fails to surprise me.
So today when the house went berserk I carefully hulled up with my little bro talking about Japanese media. Of course, we came out after to play rock band. It was then that i realized that the most important emotion is so difficult to express. Appreciation, whether it is for my stepmom caring for the family so long (before snapping) or my little brother for chilling out with me, it can almost be impossible to express. What if appreciation were easier to show? Do you think the world would be a better place?

Life Views

I suppose the real conflict of interest between my family and I is our views on life. It seems to me as though my dad believes life is all about affording what you want. So to do that he insists that I get a job, save money, and buy things I do not need (and barely want for that matter.) I don't think that is how life works ladies and gentlemen. Life is more like having a safety net of people, people willing to help you out in a tough time, put in a good word at job interviews, and hell, just be friends. A web woven of friends is perhaps far better than a blanket carved of cold hard cash. In the end, isn't life about the pursuit of joy anyway?

Money, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll

I don't know whether to be hysterical with laughter or tears. My parents might think I'm going to do drugs or am on drugs. I mean don't get me wrong I have tried marijuana in the past, however it's not something I throughly enjoyed or plan on doing again. Of course, I have been irritable because I have been exhausted lately. I never see my family much and it breeds so much distrust between us. I can barely stand it anymore. In addition, today I asked for some book money for my AP class. Without making eye contact with me, I was told that I was slacking off on my responsibilities and they basically said I would get it whenever they get to it. I am so messed in the head right now. So the final piece of cake is that the drama at school is overwhelming too.

Courtesy

I understand that I give very little to this family. However, I also am realizing that I don't take very much either. Here is what I take to be exact every day: a small bowl of some hot or cold cereal, two slices of bread, a tablespoon of peanut butter, another tablespoon of jelly, one dollar and fifty cents for school lunch, an apple, and perhaps a load of laundry or some leftovers that weren't gonna be eaten anyway. I don't really ask for rides anymore, I would rather not be a burden and therefore refrain from asking for many things. So you would think, hey, Mike's a nice guy, hes been living here for a year or so now, I think we should be generally nice courteous people to him. The truth is, no people really don't think that. People never really save any nice leftovers or anything. While I was at track practice the family ingested a whole cake (leftover from my Birthday) (or so I am speculating, I could be incorrect.) Just overall I feel like whenever I am home I am not only unwanted but also quite unloved. Is this really what other families are like?

Birthday then St. Patricks

So my birthday was alright I suppose. The day after my Oma and Opa visited and I half-heartedly celebrated the birth of my responsibility as an adult. To be quite honest I'm not too syked about this whole thing. Look at it, I have to grow up, something I never wanted to do.

St. Patrick's Day was pretty interesting. I dressed up in a green turtle-neck and a green bandanna. Then finally I ate enough green dye to color the Mediterranean.

Honesty

About a week ago I found an iPod on the bus and immediatly was syked. What if I never found the owner! I would have an Mp3 Player again!!! Of course my good nature made me at least make minimal efforts to return it. So under the radar I did a little research and accidentally found the owner. Under the watchful eye of the principle, Mr. Murray, I returned the iPod to the kid and went about my buisness. BIG MISTAKE! Today in school they announced my honesty, over the announcements. So, all day today I recived jokes and sarcasm regarding my honesty. Seriously why nto just slap a sign saying 'weak' on my forehead. How annoying.

Leadership

So the past few days in drama class I have been taking charge of situations to keep the practice going. The surprising thing is that not only have they been well recieved but they also have looked pretty good on my part. To be honest I was pretty surprised. I just figured my parents telling me I had "natural leadership ability" was as truthful as the fact that I could be president one day.

Nifty and Awesome

Today, I got asked to prom. Now I know it seems pretty feminine to be exited about such a thing but I am. I get to go hang out with a good friend in a party setting and that is awesome. In the mean time I have a ton of homework...

Music

As I stirred in the milk, peanut butter, and chocolate syrup I thought about my taste in music. You have your main substance: rock. Just normal rock and a few of it's closer relatives like alternative and punk. Then you have your chocolate syrup, it would definatly represent industrial, metal, and gothic music. Finally, you have milk which was only a spash. The milk is like, pop music and techno. Mixing them together is tasty. I have a bunch of chocolate set to play at the bottom of my page...

F-ing Great

I'm condecending, controlling, and insensitive. At least according to my stepmother and her over-sensitive son. That's what i get for deciding to play games with my family. "I don't want to play games with you Micheal," my stepmother told me, "You are the reason I quit playing a few years back." All of this was because I asked my younger brother to play Rock Band with me. He said, "I can't play the harder songs." So in a kind and reassuring response I told him all it takes is a little practice and he'll be fine. So of course we end up playing a few, he throws a fit, and finally whines to his mother who tells me in a nutshell that I am a condecending jerk. You know what? To hell with me giving anything to this family outside of what is required.

It is unfortunate that they can't mark off my flaws as, "oh, he's young and wreckless," or, "it's not his fault, he's a teenager."

Writing Seminar

Today I attended a writing seminar with an ex-friend/ex-enemy and my bassist's older brother. It was interesting and I felt I got alot out of it. It was exiting. I was worried when i first read my poorly written short story outloud in front of the strangers. I wanted to write about what goes on in the mind of a killer. So when I read it, it was at first treated with shock. There was a long three seconds of silence around the room until the host talked about how he enjoyed the visuals and the psychological aspects. Others piped in to comment on the 15 minute work also. However, I noticed that over half of the stories were about personal tragedy and trauma. I left the room knowing everyone; and everyone knew me. However it wasn't from a formal introduction or set frame of aquaintance. It was a shared interest in storytelling and a company of misery and laughter.

School, Track, Drama

The voids of my soul can easily be filled with extra-curriculars. It gets tiring. Wake at 7, shower. Go to school 8-3. Track 3-5. Drama 6-9. Homework 9-whenever. Eat? Sleep.
I have so much fun even though I am tired and burning out... and it is only the first day =]

Death of a friend

Yesterday one of my closest friends died. His name was Sephiroth and he was the coolest rat ever to walk the earth. I buried him in the garden and when the flowers grow I am going to dry some of the petals and put them in my box.